{Seeing as it is Fast Sunday, testimonies have been on my mind.  Besides the sacrament, the things I miss the most from Sacrament Meeting, when I’m home with sicky little ones, are all the testimonies that are shared.  I have had a lot on my mind the last few days and wanted to put part of it in writing. For our family and friends, for future family, and for myself.}

One of my resolutions this year is to read C. S. Lewis everyday.  It has been one of the easiest resolutions ever.  I adore his writing.  I do not have any trouble starting my morning study time with Jack.  I read that is what his family and friends called him.  I want to be in that group.  Which leads me to the next question – Do you think there will be a huge line in heaven waiting to meet him?  I imagine so.

The easy part is being motivated to read his writings.  The hard part is sometimes understanding.  His writings are a lot like Elder Maxwell‘s to me.  I read a paragraph or two over four or five times.  And then I feel like I might be catching a glimpse of what they are describing.  And the glimpse is so worth the effort.  I read “Mere Christianity” a few years ago and adored it.  ”The Four Loves” is waiting on my headboard.  What I am reading now is “A Year with C. S. Lewis” that Jim Bob gave me for our anniversary.  It is a few paragraphs a day from various books that C. S. Lewis has written.  Perfect for me.  It leads right into my scripture study time.  With these excerpts, my wish list of books is growing.  I love his style of writing and sense of humor without overdoing.  I would be happy to read a few paragraphs of C. S. Lewis every day for the rest of my life.  And that is a sign of a good resolution.  :)

Last Wednesday I read an excerpt from C. S. Lewis’ last sermon (1956):

“For it is not so much of our time and so much of our attention that God demands; it is not even all our time and all our attention; it is ourselves. … He will be infinitely merciful to our repeated failures; I know no promise that He will accept a deliberate compromise.  …For He claims all, because He is love and must bless.  He cannot bless unless He has us.  When we try to keep within us an area that is our own, we try to keep an area of death.  Therefore, in love, He claims all.  There’s no bargaining with Him.”

While reading Enos this week I realized how his story applied as well.  In verse 9 it tells how Enos “…did pour out [his] whole soul unto God…”  His whole soul.  He didn’t hold anything back.

Jim Bob taught in the Elders Quorum today.  The talk was Elder D.Todd Christofferson’s “Reflections on a Consecrated Life”.  I read it this morning.  The whole talk is wonderful and fits right in my thoughts for the week.

“True success in this life comes in consecrating our lives –that is, our time and choices–to God’s purposes.  In so doing, we permit Him to raise us to our highest destiny.”  Later in the talk he says, “A consecrated life is filled with work, sometimes repetitive, sometimes menial, sometimes unappreciated but always work that improves, orders, sustains, lifts, ministers, aspires.”  Does that not sound like a mother?  I need to focus on the last half.  Yes, my work is sometimes repetitive and menial, but I am improving, ordering, sustaining, lifting, ministering and aspiring.  Ooh, I love it.  I love all those verbs.  A consecrated life is full of action and recognizing that action.

Elder Christofferson also quotes the film, Man’s Search for Happiness. “A prophet of God has said: ‘Men are that they might have joy–a joy that includes a fullness of life, a life dedicated to service, to love and harmony in the home, and the fruits of honest toil–an acceptance of the gospel of Jesus Christ–of its requirements and commandments.”

While reading that quote I realized that a fullness of life only comes after we fully give ourselves to God.  I feel as if I am in a constant chrysalis state.  Just learning and developing.  Changing and refining.  Big changes, little changes.  I think that is partly what this life is for.  I am thankful for my Savior that makes those changes possible.  Sometimes it is hard work.  I need to remember – the end result is so promising!

Can you imagine though, if that caterpillar decided to go into a chrysalis, but not quite all the way?  Just leave out a little bit of it’s “old self”?  I’m not sure of the science involved, but I think the transformation would not take place.

I want to fully give myself.  To consecrate my life to God’s purposes.  And to someday fly.

{chrysalis photo by Christian Meyn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net, butterfly photo by Federico Stevanin, at FreeDigitalPhotos.net}

My one little word for 2011; effort.  It feels big to me.  Let me tell you how it came about.

This story starts decades ago when my mom would pick a color and word for the year.  She selected a word that she wanted to focus on in her scripture study.  Now, naturally you need to find a color that fits with it.  That way you can mark the passages that contain your word with that color.  I remember her saying when we were younger that her favorite color was “rainbow”.  She couldn’t pick a favorite.  This way she could have a different “favorite” each year.  She said it’s amazing how something will jump out at you because it’s your color for the year.  Same with your word.  I’m not sure why, but her “magenta” year stands out to me.  I’m not even sure what the word was.  Anyway, I thought it was something neat that my mom did.  Only my mom.

Flash forward to 2008.  I was reading and enjoying Ali Edward’s blog.  She had her one word she was focusing on, vitality.  She had found a word for a few years to focus on and I thought it was a neat idea.  I really loved her next word too – nurture.  That’s on my list for the future.  :)  How did I not see the connection to what Ali was doing and what my mom had done for years??  I don’t know.  I guess sometimes it takes a few exposures before giving yourself the okay.  Anyway, I decided on “language” for 2008.  I wanted to focus on the language I used with my husband and children.  Positive, faith-filled language.  And my color was brown.  Why?  Mostly because it is my very favorite color (I’m not completely like my mom ).  I LOVE brown.  A nice chocolately brown.  And it seemed like  good foundational color to start with.  2009 was orange and thanksgiving.  I feel gratitude often, but had a hard time with expressing it.  Or, more accurately, making the time to express it.  That was my focus that year.  Last year was Create.  And ocean blue.  I thoroughly enjoyed my study and time creating.  And now, I think we’re to the point of why effort this year.  And the color reveal.  :)

November of last year I had a whole list of words I could pick from and one that I really wanted.  It just didn’t feel right though.  I know it will be a word that I focus on in the future, but the timing wasn’t right.  I had never felt that before so I studied and prayed and thought and studied some more.  I tried to talk myself into certain words and then right back out again.  I thought about being patient, but I wanted a plan.  And now, please.  I proceeded to make a list of goals for the new year.  Usually I do that with the word in mind.  A little backwards, but I moved forward.  And thought and talked with my hunny and thought some more.  And prayed.  I wanted to know that my actions and whole year of study would be what the Lord wanted me to be doing.  Because what He wants of me is what is always best for me.  That I know!

The beginning of January came and I still did not have a word.  I felt closer.  I knew that my scripture study would be on prayer.  I want to focus on that communication.  I want to commune with my Father in Heaven.  I wanted my word to reflect that and my other goals.  I want to put forth my best.  Effort had come into my mind, but honestly did not seem enough for what I wanted.  It felt like the word “try” and I wanted to do.  While studying prayer I found hymn #170, “God, Our Father, Hear Us Pray” and the very last phrase stood out.  ”Bless our efforts day by day”.  And it all came together.  My efforts aren’t enough.  Never will be.  Too many nights I flop into bed and think on everything I wasn’t able to get to that day.  I need to focus on what I have done and make sure each day is my best effort.  Then ask for His blessing.  My efforts blessed by God is enough.

All this was going through my head and heart as we went to the temple on Saturday, January 8th.  I prayed to know if this was my answer.  Was this my word?  I received the answer.  Overwhelmingly yes.  And a thought: “How meaningful would it have been to have the word effort without a whole lot of it getting there?”

Once again I learn to trust the Lord’s timing.

Effort.  Effort day by day.  And daily is why my color this year is Sunshine Yellow.